Tips for Parents Dropping Off Their Young Teen at Boarding School

Many people (including some of our friends) told us we were crazy to send our son, Charlie, away to school at the age of 15. But the fact is he is going off to embrace an amazing opportunity for growth and independence at boarding school. Both my husband and I chose a similar path of boarding school for high school, and we both truly loved our experiences. I think that helps us as his parents feel more at ease about this big decision. Of course, my heart hurts from dropping Charlie off in his dorm. As I unpacked his clothes and helped make his bed in his new room, I kept thinking about all the milestones he has hit along the way — his first day of Kindergarten, the first time he rode his bike on his own, the first time he learned to ice skate, the first time he jumped off the diving board. It all flashed in front of me while we were in Charlie’s new small living space that he now has to learn how to share with a complete stranger, his roommate. 

So many friends with older kids who have already left the nest have warned me how hard it is when your kids leave home. Until you experience it for yourself, you don’t really know what to expect. It’s completely natural to feel a roller coaster of emotions during this time. From pride and excitement to separation anxiety and worry, it’s all part of the process. It is OK to feel happy AND sad all at the same time. Many friends shared advice with us (thank you), so we thought it’d be valuable to pay it forward. Please note: this advice would be useful with college drop-off too. Here are some tips that we found helpful to navigate this emotional journey:

• Preparation is Key: In the days leading up to the drop-off, involve your teen in the preparations. Let them pack their own belongings and choose some items that provide comfort and familiarity. This gives them a sense of control and ownership over the experience. Be sure to pack family photos to put on their desk or bureau!
• Open Communication: Talk to your teen about their feelings and concerns. Address any worries they may have and assure them that you’re just a phone call or text message away. Encourage them to share their experiences and emotions with you as they settle into their new environment. 
• Create a Positive Send-Off: The goodbye moment can be emotional, but try to keep it positive. Express your love, pride, and confidence in their ability to thrive at boarding school. Share your excitement for their new adventure. Try not to cry in front of them if you can hold it in until you get to the car. 🙂
• Stay Connected: Whether it’s regular phone calls, emails, or visits, plan ways to stay connected with your teen. Knowing that they have your support can ease the transition. Remind them to call home from time to time, sometimes they need that reminder.
• Get Support: It’s not just your child who’s going through a big change – you are too. Lean on your partner, family, and friends for emotional support. Sharing your feelings can help you process them and feel less alone. Fill up your calendar and stay busy!
• Trust the Process: Boarding schools are experienced in helping students transition to this new phase of life. Trust their staff and programs to provide a nurturing environment for your teen’s growth and development. Reach out to their advisor as needed, they can be your lifeline!
• Give it Time: Understand that homesickness and adjustment are normal. It might take a few weeks for your teen to settle in and find their rhythm. Be patient and encouraging during this period.
• Self-Care is Key: Don’t forget to take care of yourself during this time of change. Engage in activities that help you relax and feel good. A healthy, balanced parent is better equipped to support their child. I am writing this from the nail salon and I also did my favorite workout class today! 

As you watch your child leave the nest, remember that this is a testament to your love and the solid foundation you’ve built. Take a deep breath, embrace the journey, and know you’ve given your child the wings to soar. Your love and support will anchor them as they navigate this new, exciting chapter. I miss Charlie like crazy but I know he’s right where he’s supposed to be. Plus, Parents Weekend will be here before we know it. We’ve got this!

Thank you for reading this,

xoxo NBC